When was the last time you did not do something because you were afraid you might fail?
It may have been in school, in sport, or in your social life. We live in a world that tends to celebrate success while paying rather less attention to the failures that came before it. Sometimes, this can influence the decisions we make. We choose not to put ourselves in situations where success is not guaranteed.
There is an interesting body of research in sports psychology around fear of failure. Researchers studying athletes have found that this fear is often not simply about losing. It can be the fear of making a mistake, disappointing ourselves or others, feeling embarrassed, or being watched and judged. Particularly when expectations are high, it can also be the fear of what happens if we do not live up to them.
When the Pressure Takes Over
Imagine taking a penalty in football. Not just any penalty, but one that decides whether your team remains in the World Cup or goes home.
The physical task has not changed. The goal is the same size, the ball is the same size and weight, and the player has not suddenly lost the muscle memory required to strike the ball. But suddenly, everything feels different. Thousands of people are watching. The player may be thinking about the goalkeeper, the crowd, their teammates, their family, and what people will say tomorrow.
What happens if I miss?
Research describes something called anticipatory anxiety. Instead of being entirely occupied with what we are doing in the present, our minds race ahead to what might happen if things go wrong. That mental noise can interfere with our ability to perform.
So, how do we overcome it?
Perhaps the first step is to accept something very simple: we are going to fail. Not at everything, and hopefully not all the time. But if we spend our lives doing only the things we know we will succeed in, we place a fairly significant limit on the person we can become.
Elite performers understand that they cannot produce their very best performance every single time. Excellence requires us to leave our comfort zone and accept challenges. At Rugby School Japan, we ask our pupils to do just that. Not because we want them to fail, but because we want them to discover what they are capable of.
Focus on What You Can Control
The second step is to be present in the moment.
Instead of thinking, What if I fail the examination?, ask, What do I need to learn today?
Instead of, What if I do not make the team?, ask, What can I improve at this training session?
Instead of, What will everyone think if I get this wrong?, ask, What is the problem in front of me, and what can I do about it?
This is known as being solution-oriented: focusing our attention on the task in front of us rather than becoming overwhelmed by what might happen afterwards. At RSJ, one of the qualities we want our pupils to develop is resilience. Resilience does not mean that failure does not affect you, or that disappointment does not hurt. It means that failure does not get the final word.
At times like this, we encourage our pupils to reflect on our school motto, Orando Laborando – through prayer and through work. We cannot guarantee the outcome, but we can control the work.
The Courage to Try
The next time you find yourself stepping away from an opportunity because you might fail, ask yourself:
Am I making this decision because I genuinely do not want to do it, or because I am frightened to discover what might happen if I try?
Because sometimes, the greater failure is not getting something wrong.
It is never discovering what might have happened if we had been brave enough to try.
Dr. Sarah Wade,
Principal, Rugby School Japan
